Dr. Mardy's Quotes of the Week ("Benefits of Failure")

December 17—23, 2023 | THIS WEEK'S THEME: “The Benefits of Failure”

Opening Line of the Week

Schiff, a Pulitzer Prize-winning historian, begins her Samuel Adams biography with a juicy little tidbit about one of the Revolutionary era’s most influential—and fascinating—figures. I was delighted to honor her opener in my compilation of “The Best Opening Lines of 2022” (see the full list here).

Adams apparently learned many lessons from his prior failures, though, and Schiff continued about him:

“He found his footing at age forty-one, when, over a dozen years, he proceeded to answer to Thomas Jefferson’s description of him as ‘truly the man of the Revolution.’ With singular lucidity Adams plucked ideas from the air and pinned them to the page, layering in the moral dimensions, whipping up emotions, seizing and shaping the popular imagination.”

In “How Samuel Adams Helped Ferment a Revolution,” an October 2022 New Yorker article that relied heavily on Schiff’s research, Adam Gopnik helped clarify why her opening words were so effective:

“All writers must woo and win readers, and readers are wooed and won, today as yesterday, by stories of flawed, sympathetic people who do big and significant things despite many obstacles put in their way. The bigger the obstacles and the more grooved-in the personal flaws, the better the story.”

For nearly 2,000 memorable opening lines from every genre of world literature, go to www.GreatOpeningLines.com. And if you’d like to receive a daily dose of famous first words, follow me on Facebook.

This Week’s Puzzler

This week’s Mystery Woman at three stages of her adult life

On December 21, 1892, this woman was born in London. She originally aspired to be an actress, but after becoming active in the women’s suffrage movement in the early 1900s, she began working as a newspaper reporter . Now regarded as a pioneering feminist, she was only twenty when, in 1913, she offered a remarkable observation:

“I...have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.”

In a famous 1912 review of an H. G. Wells novel, she called him “The old maid among novelists.” Stung by the characterization, Wells quickly invited her to discuss the book over lunch. At their first meeting, even though separated in age by twenty-six years, they were instantly smitten with each other—and soon began a tumultuous ten-year affair that resulted in the only child she would ever have.

In 1930, at age 37, she married English banker Henry Maxwell Andrews. Their marriage lasted until his death in 1968, and she remained single until her death at age 90 in 1983.

During her long and fascinating career, she became a travel writer, biographer, novelist, social critic, book reviewer, and acclaimed journalist, chronicling such important events as the Nuremberg Trials.

While most people today cannot name the title of any of her books, she was described by Time magazine in 1947 as “indisputably the world's number one woman writer.” She was also greatly admired by other writers, with George Bernard Shaw once saying that she “can handle a pen as brilliantly as ever I could and much more savagely.”

In the post-WWII years, she was so highly respected in America that when President Truman presented her with the Women’s Press Club Award for Journalism in 1948, he described her as “the world’s best reporter.”

In Agnes de Mille’s 1952 memoir Dance to the Piper, she quoted this week’s Mystery Woman as saying:

“Nothing succeeds like failure.”

Who is this person? (Answer below)

What Lessons Have You Learned From Your Failures?

Over the centuries, many people have described the benefits that can be derived from failure, but none more famously than J. K. Rowling in a 2008 commencement address at Harvard University. Graduating seniors, who’d been reading her Harry Potter books since childhood, were delighted to learn that one of their favorite writers would be speaking, but many were surprised when they learned the title of her address: “The Benefits of Failure.”

In her speech, Rowling began by reflecting on her own life as a young woman, revealing that what she feared most was not poverty, but failure:

“A mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain without being homeless...I was the biggest failure I knew.”

She continued:

“So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea.”

She then concluded with a remarkable line:

“And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

For most people, “hitting rock bottom” is about the worst thing that can happen, so the idea that great failure can be viewed positively—and even as a solid foundation upon which to rebuild—may seem a little strange to some. But history has shown that learning from failure experiences and rebuilding after even the worst of them is a common theme among successful people. Indeed, many high achievers believe the best thing that ever happened to them was a spectacular failure. In a 1904 essay, Carl Sandburg wrote:

None of this is meant to minimize the pain people feel when they experience the agony of a great failure. But during such times, it is helpful for despairing people to know that many others in similar circumstances have not only survived, but have gone on to achieve a success beyond all their previous dreams.

As I reflect on my own life, I’ve had many, many failures—both personal and professional. And when I think back to some of those low moments, I often feel embarrassed and, occasionally, even guilty or ashamed. But the truth is that my greatest learning often came during the darkest moments, when I was licking my wounds and stumbling around to find an answer for what had just happened.

Why is it that people learn so much more from failure than success? In large part, it’s the flip side of that popular definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. When we succeed in doing something and then continue to operate in the same manner, it makes a lot of sense. But what do we learn in the process? Not much. However, if we fail and continue to behave as we always have, it’s not only stupid, but a little crazy. To escape from a self-defeating cycle that spirals downward into oblivion, we must learn from our failures or we perish. A primal survival instinct whispers in our ear: “You can only expect a different result in the future if you start doing something more effectively today.”

The next time you fail, I don’t expect you to immediately think, “I wonder what I can learn from this.” When it does happen—and it will—go ahead and feel sorry for yourself. And if you even want to play the victim role for awhile, go ahead and find somebody else to blame. But not for too long. After a few days, it is absolutely essential that you begin to think about what you can learn from the experience. There is no other healthy alternative.

As for other people in your life, the next time a friend or family member fails, I don’t expect you to say, “Congratulations! You’ve failed.” Go ahead and express your sympathy, even if you know they are partially—or even primarily—responsible for the fix they’re in. But after a short period, it might be appropriate to suggest that failure experiences are often “teachable moments,” and you might even want to ask them what lessons they’ve begun to draw from their recent experience.

This week, take a few moments to think about your own failures, and the benefits you’ve derived from them. Below, I’ve assembled a number of quotations designed to stimulate your thinking as you reflect on this great theme in human life:

• We mount to heaven mostly on the ruins of our cherished schemes, finding our failures were successes.   — A. Bronson Alcott

• If you set your goals ridiculously high and it’s a failure, you will fail above everyone else’s success. — James Cameron

• A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed—I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. — Georges Clemenceau

• Failure is not mere failure. It is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes. — John Dewey

• Learn how to fail intelligently, for failing is one of the greatest arts in the world. — Charles F. Kettering

• It is better to fail in originality, than to succeed in imitation. He who has never failed somewhere, that man cannot be great. Failure is the true test of greatness. — Herman Melville

• Failure is nothing but success trying to be born in a bigger way. Most seeming failures are just installments toward victory! — Catherine Ponder

• Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday. — Wilma Rudolph

• It has been said that failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. — Denis Waitley

• Failure is not fatal but failure to change might be.  — John Wooden

For source information on these quotations, and many others on the topic of FAILURE, go here.

Cartoon of the Week

Answer to This Week’s Puzzler:

Rebecca West (1892-1983)

Dr. Mardy’s Observation of the Week

Thanks for joining me again this week. See you next Sunday morning, when the theme will be “Giving Love Away.”

Mardy Grothe

Websites: www.drmardy.com and www.GreatOpeningLines.com

Regarding My Lifelong Love of Quotations: A Personal Note