Dr. Mardy's Quotes of the Week ("Tact")
May 12—18, 2024 | THIS WEEK: “Tact”
I try not to blithely say “Happy Mother’s Day” because, for many women around the world, this is the saddest day of the year.
If you’re a mother and are feeling happy today, consider yourself very fortunate. However, if this is a bittersweet day for you, or far worse, know that there are many in the world who share your pain—and many others whose thoughts are with you.
Opening Line of the Week
When most people think about Arthur Conan Doyle, his Sherlock Holmes stories almost automatically come to mind. But Doyle wrote in other genres as well, including three science-fiction novels that featured Professor George Edward Challenger, a protagonist whose hot-tempered aggressiveness couldn’t have stood in starker contrast to the cerebral and analytical Holmes.
The Lost World opens with a colorful metaphorical description of a character named Mr. Hungerton. In the opening paragraph, the narrator—a Daily Gazette reporter named Edward Malone— continued:
“If anything could have driven me from Gladys, it would have been the thought of such a father-in-law. I am convinced that he really believed in his heart that I came round to the Chestnuts three days a week for the pleasure of his company.”
For nearly 2,000 memorable opening lines from every genre of world literature, go to www.GreatOpeningLines.com.
This Week’s Puzzler
On May 18, 1872, this famous mathematician and philosopher was born into an aristocratic English family (his paternal grandfather had twice served as Queen Victoria’s Prime Minister). His parents had extremely liberal social and religious beliefs for the time, advocating birth control for women, endorsing an early form of “open” marriage, and asking the philosopher John Stuart Mill—a famous atheist—to serve as their son’s secular godfather.
He was only two when his mother died of diphtheria and four when his father died of bronchitis. He and an older brother were raised and educated by his paternal grandmother and a succession of private tutors. Later in life, he described himself as a lonely boy who found great solace in books and reading. He went on to study at Trinity College, Cambridge, where he eventually taught as well.
One of the 20th century’s most influential figures, he is now remembered for his pioneering work in mathematical logic, his progressive social views, his battles against superstition and religious tyranny, and his advocacy of pacifism and nuclear disarmament. He also wrote many popular books, including Why I Am Not a Christian (1927), The Conquest of Happiness (1930), and A History of Western Philosophy (1945). He was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1950.
This week’s Mystery Man wrote with grace and style on many topics, including this from a 1933 essay:
Who is this person? (Answer below)
Do You View Yourself as a Tactful Person?
Before we dive into this week’s theme, take a moment to peruse the three quotations below. Can you identify the one thing they have in common?
The correct answer is that all of these quotations are erroneous. That is, not one of the three famous authors above ever said anything even close to the quotations attributed to them. Among quotation enthusiasts, the precise term for quotations like these is apocryphal (pronounced uh-POCK-ruh-FULL), which the American Heritage Dictionary (AHD) defines as “Of questionable authorship or authenticity.”
Returning to this week’s theme, the AHD defines tact this way:
“Acute sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in dealing with others, including the ability to speak or act without offending.”
According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, tact has been used in English since the 1650s to describe “a sense of touch or feeling.” The word derives from the Latin tactus, meaning “touch,” which also gave us the word tactile. By the 1800s, the word tact had the clear meaning of “that which is best to do” in human interaction.
I also like the Wiktionary definition of tact:
“Sensitive mental touch; special skill or faculty; keen perception or discernment; ready power of appreciating and doing what is required by circumstances; the ability to say the right thing.”
To me, the idea that tact requires a “sensitive mental touch” rings perfectly true, for tact is a complex interpersonal skill that touches upon such diverse arenas as etiquette, diplomacy, courtesy, good manners, civility, and empathy.
The essence of tact is the ability to communicate a negative or potentially negative message without offending people or turning them off in some way. Tactful people are said to think before they speak, meaning they consider the impact of their words before saying them. In a 1916 essay, Laura Ingall’s Wilder used an apt metaphor to capture the value of tact:
“Tact does for life just what lubricating oil does for machinery. It makes the wheels run smoothly, and without it there is a great deal of friction and the possibility of a breakdown.
Tactful people go to great lengths to avoid language that is likely to upset people, make them angry, or hurt their feelings. Tactless people, by contrast, tend to speak before they think, which often means blurting out the first things that come to mind.
People without tact are also famous for using emotionally-loaded words and expressions, especially when they ask a question like, “How could you be so _______?” (fill in the blank space with words like stupid, gullible, insensitive, rigid, or selfish). In my view, tactless people are all generally compatible with Winston Churchill’s famous description of John Foster Dulles: “He is the only bull who brings his own china shop with him.”
When people ask me for my favorite quotation on tact, I don’t even hesitate:
This is a beautiful observation in its own right, but I love it even more because it was originally written to describe what we would now call the emotional intelligence of my favorite U. S. President, Abraham Lincoln. Randall was an American historian who wrote a highly regarded four-volume biography of Lincoln. His Mr. Lincoln book was a smaller, more intimate examination of the human being behind the legend.
The wonderful quotation about kindness skillfully extended appears smack-dab in the middle of a stunning 154-word paragraph. It was preceded by these words:
And after the kindness skillfully intended line, he continued:
This week think about the most—and the least—tactful people you’ve met in your life, and what you’ve learned from your interactions with them. Also spend some time thinking about how tactful you’ve been in your dealings with others. As usual, let your reflections be stimulated by this week’s selection of quotations on the subject:
The austere principles of tact tell the tongue to keep away from the aching thought. — Elizabeth Bibesco
Silence is not always tact, and it is tact that is golden, not silence. — Samuel Butler
Tact is good taste in action. — Diane de Poitiers
Tact does not remove difficulties, but difficulties melt away under tact. — Benjamin Disraeli
People with tact have less to retract. — Arnold H. Glasow
Cultivate tact, for it is the mark of culture, and as important as character itself. It is the lubricant of human relationships, softening contacts and minimizing friction. — Baltasar Gracián
Don’t flatter yourselves that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your intimates. On the contrary, the nearer you come into relation with a person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become. — Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Tact is after all a kind of mind-reading. — Sarah Orne Jewett
If criticism is needed, do it tactfully. Don’t use a sledgehammer when a fly swatter will do the job. — Ann Landers
In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork. — Wilson Milner
For source information on these quotations, and many others on the topic of TACT, go here.
Cartoon of the Week:
Answer to This Week’s Puzzler:
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
Dr. Mardy’s Observation of the Week:
Thanks for joining me again this week. See you next Sunday morning, when the theme will be “Gardens & Gardening.”
Mardy Grothe
Websites: www.drmardy.com and www.GreatOpeningLines.com
Regarding My Lifelong Love of Quotations: A Personal Note
Interesting to see your newsletter that touched on both tact and apocryphal quotes, as I recently had an experience that involved both. I lack tact, a fault I have had my entire life. That came back to bite me.
Here's the story. A woman here on Substack had posted a note that quoted Calvin Coolidge (her favorite president, she said) saying, "nothing in the world can replace persistence", etc., etc. As apocryphal a quote as they come. Calvin Coolidge said nothing like that (he was a man of few words, and most of his words tended toward the trite and thus unquotable), but the quote has been circling around the internet lately anyway.
So I posted a note in response, saying, "Nice words, but Calvin Coolidge never said them." I added a sentence or two that were a little more tactful, but that tactless first sentence apparently struck a nerve and got a furious response. Turns out the woman had taken a break from social media because the constant sniping had depressed her, and when at last she ventured back, what did she get but more venom. She let me have it.
Shamed at my own tactless words, I deleted my note rather than explain my intention was to inform rather than to chide. Too late to mollify, I thought. Best just to flee.
But your newsletter today brought that episode back to mind, and raises two questions I've long longed to ask the esteemed quote maven Mardy.
1. Why does it matter so much who said the words we quote? Is it just that it's important to give proper credit and avoid plagiarizing, or is there something more to getting authorship right?
Doesn't a quote mean exactly the same thing no matter who said it? After all, the meaning of the words doesn't change. The sentiment of the quote still has the same power regardless of its origin, doesn't it?
As an example, what's wrong with putting the words "nothing in the world can replace persistence" in Calvin Coolidge's mouth? It seems like the kind of thing he would say.
2. When some authors like a quote and use it but they know its provenance is dodgy, they will say in their book something like this, "attributed to Mark Twain". What do you think of that practice? Myself, I don't like it (I prefer "author unknown"), but I'm not sure why I don't like it.
And thanks for your timely (for me) take on tact. I needed a lesson on being more tactful, and your lesson was a tactful one. So the next time I see Calvin Coolidge apocryphally quoted (and it will probably be the story about his repartee with Mrs. Coolidge about the rooster and the hens), I'll correct with kindness, skillfully extended.
How about, Tact is the ability to step on a man's toes without messing up the shine on his shoes."
Harry S. Truman