Mardy, thank you for the clear description of a man we all know whose self-deception leads him to believe he holds a mandate to exert his will, ignore all laws, and destroy a country we all love.
The term self-deception seems inappropriate to me somehow. It implies that we are deciding ourselves, but how could we be? We believe it to be true, as Wittgenstein says, so we are not deceiving ourselves into believing it.
I think what the "mystery man" in this newsletter is saying about how easy it is to fool ourselves is that we have trouble interpreting the world as it really is. And that goes both ways. Sometimes we think we are better than we really are, but oftentimes we think we are worse.
Even if we are deceiving ourselves, maybe that's not such a bad thing. Indeed, psychiatrist David Burns in his list of cognitive distortions identifies "disqualifying the positive" as a big problem, but doesn't list self-deception. (Though he does list both "magnification or minimization" as another cognitive distortion.)
In some ways I think that thinking we are better than we are is a good thing. Some say that perceiving ourselves as we really are leads to depression, so-called depressive realism. I tend to agree.
If we saw ourselves the way we really are, we would be like Woody Allen in his movie Annie Hall, paralyzed at age 9 by existential dread about the universe expanding. After all, we are each just one of 7 billion people on a rock hurtling for billions of years through empty space around a minor sun in a galaxy filled with a hundred billion stars surrounded by a hundred billion galaxies with a hundred billion stars each.
Call it self-deception if you will, but I will treat myself to a feeling that my life is important even if the facts show it is not.
The term "self-enhancement" sounds good to me. Pithy and precise. But here too, as with self-deception, it's not something we do consciously to encourage or deceive ourselves. It's just a natural defense mechanism.
Although I guess we could do it consciously, with intent. That's what the doctor in this bit of dialogue from Woody Allen's movie Annie Hall suggests in the last line.
__________
Doctor in Brooklyn: Why are you depressed, Alvy?
Alvy's Mom: Tell Dr. Flicker.
[Young Alvy sits, his head down - his mother answers for him]
Alvy's Mom: It's something he read.
Doctor in Brooklyn: Something he read, huh?
Alvy at 9: [his head still down] The universe is expanding.
Doctor in Brooklyn: The universe is expanding?
Alvy at 9: Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!
Alvy's Mom: What is that your business?
[she turns back to the doctor]
Alvy's Mom: He stopped doing his homework!
Alvy at 9: What's the point?
Alvy's Mom: What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is not expanding!
Doctor in Brooklyn: It won't be expanding for billions of years yet, Alvy. And we've gotta try to enjoy ourselves while we're here!
__________
We definitely do gotta try to enjoy ourselves while we're here. And if that takes self-deception or self-enhancement, then that's what we should do. Even if the universe is expanding, we can't stop doing our homework.
Interesting that the assumption is always that a person is deceiving himself in a positive way. I was unable to find a term that describes the person who believes himself always unworthy, yet I have known such people. They are revealed not only by their words but even by their own actions.
Perhaps the lack of a term that means the opposite of narcissism reveals a collective self-deception of humanity. I also believe both narcissism and whatever that opposite term is have a common root: focusing solely on one's self.
I looked up "antonyms for narcissism," thinking that would come the closest to giving me the word I was looking for. But it stopped short with the mostly selfless acts: selflessness, altruism, unselfishness, echoism, empathy, etc. Nothing on the truly negative side. I was a little surprised.
Interesting point. I think echoism is somewhat on the negative side. And I found self-deprecation, inferiority complex, and imposter syndrome used too. But nothing as well-known as narcissism and a negative polar opposite to it.
Very true. And all the women are strong and all the men good-looking, which are almost as improbable, especially if you interpret "strong" and "good-looking" as relative rather than absolute terms.
You've outdone yourself with this one, my friend. So much to chew on. I especially love the Wittgenstein quote - mad me laugh.
I have my vanity and conceits, but am occasionally able to laugh, sometimes easily, at my foolishness. Still, I like my certainties and prefer not to shock myself too much with self-exposing realities. I'm confident that I'm not the only one afflicted with that disease.
In a conversation with a friend of the opposite political persuasion this week, with the agreed upon ground rule of avoiding attempting to change beliefs, this in order to preserve our friendship, we agreed to simply seek to understand. Even with that rule firmly in view things became heated, as my friend insisted upon making sweeping, completely unsubstantiated claims. That friend is clearly self-deceiving. And I say that from the comfort of my own cherished self-deception.
Thanks for your kind words and thoughtful reflections, Jack. I also love that Wittgenstein quote, but I never use it in conversation because (1) people think I'm being pretentious, or (2) their eyes immediately begin to glaze over. Also loved the story about your recent conversation!
OMG. You've struck a special nerve this week, Mardy. I feel I am a master of self-deception, but that thought alone proves the arrogance. I didn't put this in the book, but I remember a session with Dr. Grinker in which I said I was afraid I'd caused a young playmate to become a homosexual, and Dr. Grinker said, "My! How powerful we are!" That simple sentence brought me back to earth, not without a smile plus a bit of embarrassment of reality.
Maybe one of the advantages this president has over many of us who passionately oppose him, is his unabashed promoting of himself. I'm not sure what group I'd put myself in, but I notice that many of my like-minded friends and I, tend to be modest, to the point of being self-effacing. There is a balance between thinking too highly of one's self, and denigrating one's self in the name of modesty. And in a dog fight, such as we find ourselves in now, the self-aggrandizer seems to have at least an initial advantage. On the other hand, I wouldn't choose to live in a world dominated by the conceited. May we be released from that curse.
This indeed is an interesting topic. Who gets to decide if a person is living in "Self-deception"? A similar topic is "What is Truth?" As I have learned about mind control and how the CCP take over a country and "control" the population they seek to govern, it has been interesting to note how masses of people (even myself at times in my past) believe things they (I) no longer believe to be true.
I find it interesting how many people and organizations who hold beliefs, currently held by a minority of people, encourage those who do not hold the same beliefs, to do their own investigation to discover truth.
I have come to believe those who control what is taught in education, those who control what is presented in the news, actually control what the masses believe to be true. Thus I have become very skeptial of many beliefs held by the masses to be true.
So for those of us most concerned about living in self-awareness and truth, I challenge you to frequently ask the questions: "What is truth" and "Why do I believe what I believe?".
These are two questions I ask myself more and more. Especially as I from time to time come across a documentary like the "Lunatic Farmer". This documentary has me asking myself once again: "What am I to do with this information?"
Thanks for weighing on the topic, Bruce. I appreciate your thoughts. When people ask me that final question, I usually reply, "Always heed the words of André Gide: 'Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.'"
Mardy, thank you for the clear description of a man we all know whose self-deception leads him to believe he holds a mandate to exert his will, ignore all laws, and destroy a country we all love.
Thanks for weighing in, Michael. The next several months will be critical in determining what kind of country we have.
The term self-deception seems inappropriate to me somehow. It implies that we are deciding ourselves, but how could we be? We believe it to be true, as Wittgenstein says, so we are not deceiving ourselves into believing it.
I think what the "mystery man" in this newsletter is saying about how easy it is to fool ourselves is that we have trouble interpreting the world as it really is. And that goes both ways. Sometimes we think we are better than we really are, but oftentimes we think we are worse.
Even if we are deceiving ourselves, maybe that's not such a bad thing. Indeed, psychiatrist David Burns in his list of cognitive distortions identifies "disqualifying the positive" as a big problem, but doesn't list self-deception. (Though he does list both "magnification or minimization" as another cognitive distortion.)
In some ways I think that thinking we are better than we are is a good thing. Some say that perceiving ourselves as we really are leads to depression, so-called depressive realism. I tend to agree.
If we saw ourselves the way we really are, we would be like Woody Allen in his movie Annie Hall, paralyzed at age 9 by existential dread about the universe expanding. After all, we are each just one of 7 billion people on a rock hurtling for billions of years through empty space around a minor sun in a galaxy filled with a hundred billion stars surrounded by a hundred billion galaxies with a hundred billion stars each.
Call it self-deception if you will, but I will treat myself to a feeling that my life is important even if the facts show it is not.
Thanks for weighing in, John. If I had to give a name to what you're describing, I think I'd offer "self-enhancement." What do you think?
The term "self-enhancement" sounds good to me. Pithy and precise. But here too, as with self-deception, it's not something we do consciously to encourage or deceive ourselves. It's just a natural defense mechanism.
Although I guess we could do it consciously, with intent. That's what the doctor in this bit of dialogue from Woody Allen's movie Annie Hall suggests in the last line.
__________
Doctor in Brooklyn: Why are you depressed, Alvy?
Alvy's Mom: Tell Dr. Flicker.
[Young Alvy sits, his head down - his mother answers for him]
Alvy's Mom: It's something he read.
Doctor in Brooklyn: Something he read, huh?
Alvy at 9: [his head still down] The universe is expanding.
Doctor in Brooklyn: The universe is expanding?
Alvy at 9: Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!
Alvy's Mom: What is that your business?
[she turns back to the doctor]
Alvy's Mom: He stopped doing his homework!
Alvy at 9: What's the point?
Alvy's Mom: What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is not expanding!
Doctor in Brooklyn: It won't be expanding for billions of years yet, Alvy. And we've gotta try to enjoy ourselves while we're here!
__________
We definitely do gotta try to enjoy ourselves while we're here. And if that takes self-deception or self-enhancement, then that's what we should do. Even if the universe is expanding, we can't stop doing our homework.
Glad you liked it. I understand your caveat. And thanks for sharing that brilliant bit of dialogue.
Interesting that the assumption is always that a person is deceiving himself in a positive way. I was unable to find a term that describes the person who believes himself always unworthy, yet I have known such people. They are revealed not only by their words but even by their own actions.
Perhaps the lack of a term that means the opposite of narcissism reveals a collective self-deception of humanity. I also believe both narcissism and whatever that opposite term is have a common root: focusing solely on one's self.
Good point, Harvey. "Poor self-image" comes to mind, but that doesn't quite do it. Maybe it's time for you to coin a new word!
I looked up "antonyms for narcissism," thinking that would come the closest to giving me the word I was looking for. But it stopped short with the mostly selfless acts: selflessness, altruism, unselfishness, echoism, empathy, etc. Nothing on the truly negative side. I was a little surprised.
Hmmm. Me, too.
Interesting point. I think echoism is somewhat on the negative side. And I found self-deprecation, inferiority complex, and imposter syndrome used too. But nothing as well-known as narcissism and a negative polar opposite to it.
Yes, that is interesting. Thanks for weighing in, John.
And along the same lines, in Lake Wobegone, all the children are above average.
Good one, my friend. That thought didn't even come to my mind!
Very true. And all the women are strong and all the men good-looking, which are almost as improbable, especially if you interpret "strong" and "good-looking" as relative rather than absolute terms.
Self-deception? I would not even play 3 Card Monte with myself.
**
I love me.
Me loves me,.
As for any others,
Well...fiddle-d-dee.
Thanks, Louis. I can always count on you for some relevant verse!
I love this week's posting! I loved learning about Feynman. His quotation is powerful.
Thanks so much, Roger. He was a fascinating guy, and did have a way with words!
You've outdone yourself with this one, my friend. So much to chew on. I especially love the Wittgenstein quote - mad me laugh.
I have my vanity and conceits, but am occasionally able to laugh, sometimes easily, at my foolishness. Still, I like my certainties and prefer not to shock myself too much with self-exposing realities. I'm confident that I'm not the only one afflicted with that disease.
In a conversation with a friend of the opposite political persuasion this week, with the agreed upon ground rule of avoiding attempting to change beliefs, this in order to preserve our friendship, we agreed to simply seek to understand. Even with that rule firmly in view things became heated, as my friend insisted upon making sweeping, completely unsubstantiated claims. That friend is clearly self-deceiving. And I say that from the comfort of my own cherished self-deception.
Human foibles are so very entertaining.
Thanks for your kind words and thoughtful reflections, Jack. I also love that Wittgenstein quote, but I never use it in conversation because (1) people think I'm being pretentious, or (2) their eyes immediately begin to glaze over. Also loved the story about your recent conversation!
OMG. You've struck a special nerve this week, Mardy. I feel I am a master of self-deception, but that thought alone proves the arrogance. I didn't put this in the book, but I remember a session with Dr. Grinker in which I said I was afraid I'd caused a young playmate to become a homosexual, and Dr. Grinker said, "My! How powerful we are!" That simple sentence brought me back to earth, not without a smile plus a bit of embarrassment of reality.
Thanks, Patricia. Once again, I admire your willingness to admit a flaw. And what a wonderful story about Dr. Grinker! Thanks for sharing it!
Maybe one of the advantages this president has over many of us who passionately oppose him, is his unabashed promoting of himself. I'm not sure what group I'd put myself in, but I notice that many of my like-minded friends and I, tend to be modest, to the point of being self-effacing. There is a balance between thinking too highly of one's self, and denigrating one's self in the name of modesty. And in a dog fight, such as we find ourselves in now, the self-aggrandizer seems to have at least an initial advantage. On the other hand, I wouldn't choose to live in a world dominated by the conceited. May we be released from that curse.
Thanks for weighing in, Blayney. A very thought-provoking analysis.
On the negative side of self-deception, I sometimes bestow upon myself "Doofus Of the Day" awards. I earned three just last week!
Thanks, Julayne, I love it! I've bestowed a similar honor on myself many times over the years!
A fascinating message as usual! Thank you Mardy. And also found the reader posts to be so interesting.
Thanks so much, Barbara. It is an intrinsically interesting subject, isn't it?
This indeed is an interesting topic. Who gets to decide if a person is living in "Self-deception"? A similar topic is "What is Truth?" As I have learned about mind control and how the CCP take over a country and "control" the population they seek to govern, it has been interesting to note how masses of people (even myself at times in my past) believe things they (I) no longer believe to be true.
I find it interesting how many people and organizations who hold beliefs, currently held by a minority of people, encourage those who do not hold the same beliefs, to do their own investigation to discover truth.
I have come to believe those who control what is taught in education, those who control what is presented in the news, actually control what the masses believe to be true. Thus I have become very skeptial of many beliefs held by the masses to be true.
So for those of us most concerned about living in self-awareness and truth, I challenge you to frequently ask the questions: "What is truth" and "Why do I believe what I believe?".
These are two questions I ask myself more and more. Especially as I from time to time come across a documentary like the "Lunatic Farmer". This documentary has me asking myself once again: "What am I to do with this information?"
How about you? Are you still seeking Truth?
Thanks for weighing on the topic, Bruce. I appreciate your thoughts. When people ask me that final question, I usually reply, "Always heed the words of André Gide: 'Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.'"